There was a time when I had aspirations of encountering a man-stick at 4 am. Now I only want to encounter food. Luckily, there are marketing geniuses out there combining the two (for the too tired to suck-and-swallow, but able to chew-and-swallow set). Do you get morning wood for Kraft Bagel-fuls with a delightful cream cheese middle? A chubby for crullers with oozing fruit centers? A flush for a refreshing Creamsicle to cool you down? Maybe it’s that hot dog full of Cheez Whiz that makes you wanna unbutton your pants? I dream of a world where pickles have ketchup centers and burritos have pizza fillings. A place where no one spits and everyone swallows. Yum. Swallow.—Sarah Morrison
Published in Missbehave Magazine, January 2009
